27 and still sleeping like a teenager.

Hello, good morning, did you have a good Friday night? Mine was deliciously boring although I did learn from Pink Pen that Jennifer Aniston is launching her own fragrance. Struck me as a bit odd, that. Just can't see Jen alongside J-Lo in Clicks.

Back to this morning. People are always saying 'There are two types of people in this world...' and here is my version! I truley believe that the two types are those that love nothing more than to sleep away a Saturday morning and those who prefer to spring out of bed, bright and early to go and buy curtains or far more perplexing, go the gym.

I remember the day I came to that conclusion very clearly. I was eleven and it was the Sunday morning after the school 'camp out.' All us kids had pitched tents in the school field and spent the weekend gorging ourselves on hotdogs and riding a mechanical bull in the school hall. It sounds quite wild but fear not, there were just as many parents as there were kids to keep us from overdosing on cola and candy. On Sunday morning, my friend Megan and I were woken by an army of ants, tucking into a breakfast of crusty Nik Naks that were scattered around our feet. As we stumbled out into the daylight, kids everywhere were attempting to dismantle their tents while parents instructed 'Leave the pegs to me, they're dangerous!' Standing in my pyjamas, all I could think was 'I cannot wait to climb into my proper bed and hopefully, have another hotdog for dinner.' Just as that thought entered my mind, a rather peppy girl in my class declared 'All I want to do is pack up, take a shower and go for a nice refreshing run!'

I knew then, that I would never be that kind of girl.

Who I inherited these lazy genes from, I have no idea. My mom has been known to fire up the vacuum at 8am while my dad and brother are long gone by 5am, paddling around the harbour with a couple of fishing rods and smelly bait boxes. These days, I'm sound asleep at that hour but it wasn't long ago when I'd be stumbling up the driveaway ala Avril Lavigne post-bender while my dad and brother hauled tackle into the car, tuttering 'that Lauren.'

Perhaps I have a lazy uncle I've never met. A lazy aunt would be even better I think. We could meet for coffee at the reasonable hour of 3pm and regale each with stories of last night's sitcoms and choice of oversized animal slippers. No, I don't think I'll ever grow out of this sleeping-in malarkey unless I'm forced to of course, by a future child of sorts. Knowing my luck, he or she will be the running type!

If you, lovely reader, are the 'get up and go' type, you must know that I have the utmost respect and admiration for you. You are probably also very good at washing your make-up off after a big night out and roasting vegetables. I long to attain at least 10% of those abilities so maybe you can help me along. Speaking of make-up, soon I'm going to tell you about this super product below! Chat soon. x

Fancy a cup of bows?

Hello you. Thank you for your interesting and lovely comments this week. I always love reading the little notes you leave here. I've had a pretty intense week so I thought I'd post some pictures of simple, pretty things. What are you up to this weekend? I'm thinking of watching that new movie, 'Leap Year.' It looks very cute. I've always been drawn to all things Irish. Tomorrow is my brother's birthday so let me say 'Hello brother. Happy Birthday!'

What to pack and expect for the FIFA World Cup!

I don’t know the first thing about soccer but I do know South Africa has gone soccer mad. You can’t turn on the telly without seeing balls bouncing all over the place and cans of coke being opened in joyous rapture. If you’re visiting from abroad, you might be wandering, ’What to pack?’ and ‘Will there be lions roaming the runway?’

No such luck I’m afraid. You have to pay top dollar (or Rand in this case) to see a lion in a game park. I’ve lived here my whole life and only seen a handful of lions on safari. Go figure.



You might have heard some hairy crime stories about SA. Well, yes, crime is a concern but keep your wits about yourself and you’re bound to have an awesome experience.

Here’s how to make the most of your South African holiday!

THE WEATHER

The World Cup takes place in June, smack bang in the middle of our winter. (Apparently this is ‘perfect soccer weather.’) Cape Town and Johannesburg can get pretty darn cold but Durban’s winter is lovely and mild.

WHAT TO PACK

CLOTHES (always handy to have some of those)

• Lightweight long tees, short sleeved tees (especially for Durbs), jeans, skirts, tights, comfy flats, boots and a coat if you’re going to Jozi or Cape Town. I also recommend taking a raincoat and brolly if you’ll be queuing and sitting outdoors. No soggy hotdogs for you!
• Bring a swimsuit if you fancy a dip in the ocean or your hotel pool. There is a law against Speedos in South Africa. Ok, not really but bikinis and board shorts will do just fine.
• Sunglasses are a must in SA. The African sun is harsh, even in winter. I can hear the WAGS rejoicing. Colleen Rooney does read this blog, doesn’t she?
• Pack a trilby or some form of headwear, preferably something that doesn’t have horns or beer cans dangling from it. Fine. Guys, you can have horns. It is the World Cup I suppose.

MAKE UP

• You’ll probably be outside most of the day so pack a foundation that has some UV protection.
• Lip-Ice or lip balm! Our smackers get very dry in SA, especially in Jozi.
• Waterproof mascara if you plan on swimming or crying your eyes out should your team lose.
• Face paint if the urge to transform your face into a flag overcomes you.

TOILETRIES

• Moisturizer and sun cream! That dang African sun strikes again.
• Insect Repellant if you’ll be visiting a game lodge during your stay.
• Waterless Hand Cleaner – that was a lifesaver for me in London’s Underground and I imagine will come in handy at soccer stadiums too.

OTHER STUFF

• Ladies, bring a roomy handbag to hold your camera, cell phone, wallet, water bottle, magazines, brochures, clay hippo souvenirs and biltong.
• Bring an even roomier one if you suspect you’ll have to carry your guy’s keys, cell phone, wallet, match timetables and soccer paraphernalia.

GETTING AROUND

South Africa doesn’t have an underground system but we do have roads with traffic lights. I suspect these are there for decorative purposes because they hardly ever work. Ok, I’m exaggerating…a bit. That reminds me, we call our traffic lights ‘robots.’ If someone tells you to turn right at the robots, do not be alarmed. 80’s looking transformers will not be waiting there to greet you.

Most people drive cars and those who can’t afford to (and sadly there are many) take the bus. It’s a bit different to London where almost anyone and everyone takes the bus. If you’re coming from abroad, I imagine you’ll have enough loot to catch a taxi instead. A word on taxis.

In South Africa, there are two types of taxis. The one is a regular car that will deliver you from A - B. Ask your hotel to recommend a reputable taxi company. For Durban, I suggest Mr Mozzies.

The other kind is a mini-bus taxi. These are biggish people carriers that take lower-income city workers to and from work everyday. These are often over capacity and covered in random hip-hop stickers. Do not catch one of these. You will know one when you see one, as it will be careering through the red robot. Taxi’s are a vital part of our infrastructure but the problem is most of the drivers are laws unto themselves.

If you’re driving a hired car, please take care on the roads. 95% of South Africans obey the laws of the roads but there are some faulty drivers out there who let the team down.

THE PEOPLE

On the whole, South Africans are a friendly, hospitable bunch. We have eleven official languages and each one has it’s own set of slang so brace yourself for some crazy conversations. Most people speak English and will be more than happy to steer you in the right direction if you find yourself lost.

Some common SA slang...

Howzit: Hi!
Lakka: Cool/Good
Bru: Erm - dude
Ja: Yes
Kiff: (Grief, Durbanites are still saying this) Means cool!
Dop: Drink

Ha. Those felt weird to write and explain.

FOOD

South Africa has some of the best-tasting food in the world and there is something for everyone. Ask your hotel to recommend a restaurant in your area. If you’d like to try some authentic South African grub, I recommend:

Biltong:This is a salty kind of cured meat. All the Brits I gave some to went mad for the stuff.
Malva Pudding: This is a warm, syrupy sponge cake as loved by Oprah!
Boerewors: Our most famous sausage!
Potjie Kos: A delicious stew cooked in a pot over the fire.
Samp and Beans: A simple but hearty African dish.
Durban Curry: We have some of the best curry in the world. Have it with rice or in a bunny chow – a ¼ loaf of bread with the inside scooped out and filled with curry!

TIPPING

In South Africa, we tend to tip quite a lot of folk.

Porters in the airport: A British mate of mine accidentally tipped a guy R50 for pushing his luggage. Bless. I believe R5 is acceptable.

Petrol/Fuel Attendants: We don’t have to put in our own fuel in South Africa. We have attendants who do it for us! It’s not ‘cuz we’re snobby  - by having attendants, we create more job opportunities. Most people tip between R2 and R5.

Car Guards: More job opportunities! Wherever you park your car in South Africa, there is bound to be a dude there in a neon vest offering to watch it for you. If he’s swigging from a brown bag, topless, he’s probably not a car guard. You’ll know a proper guard when you see one. Again, people tip between R2 and R5.

Waiters: It’s custom to tip 10%. Of course, you can tip more if you’ve had a fantastic experience. There’s usually a built in service charge to bills of tables of ten and over.

KEEPING SAFE

There are parts of South Africa that are perfectly safe and lovely and there are some places which are best to avoid. You can shop, eat out and go to the beach but you just need to have your wits about you.

• Ask your hotel, family or friends to suggest which places to visit and avoid.
• I wouldn’t recommend wearing your new Canon DSLR around your neck.
• The same goes for moon bags (fanny packs) around your waist. For one, they look a bit naff and secondly, they scream ‘unsuspecting tourist alert!’
• Ladies, I’d leave the uber bling in the safe unless you’re a WAG and have five bodyguards to beat the riffraff away.
• Guys, make sure your wallet and cell phone are not peaking out your pockets.
• Ladies, keep your handbags zipped up and snug under your shoulder.
• Don’t dawdle in car parks and low-lit areas.
• Keep your car doors locked and your belongings out of site.
• In general, just be alert and walk confidently. You’ll know where you can relax and where you’ll have to be a bit more cautious.

Gosh, that’s quite a lot! I hope I’ve painted a fair picture of our South African landscape! South Africans, please feel free to correct me on any of the above and make some suggestions of your own. This is after all, just my humble 2 cents. If you live overseas, please feel free to query any of the above or ask me something else. I hope this was helpful to someone! If you know anyone who might find this interesting, please share the link or give it a tweet. Thanks so much! Me x

Must-Pack Goodies! 

Does crime affect South African style?

South Africa is making headlines around the globe for all the wrong reasons at the moment. British tabloids shout ‘Racial Bloodbath in SA!’ My knee jerk reaction is to defend our country and insist that it’s not the lawless disaster it appears in print. However, the reality is we do live in a land of extremes.

While one woman slings on a pair of Prada heels in Sandton City, a single mother is battling to feed and protect her children in a gang-riddled township just a few kilometers away. The divide between rich and poor is massive and despite our best efforts to overcome our dodgy past, cultures continue to clash in our cities and government. As political tension tightens, my mind turns to…clothes!  It’s a question I’ve been meaning to explore for some time, ‘Does crime affect the way we dress in South Africa?’

For me, the answer is without a doubt, yes.

Those of us who fall into what you could loosely term ‘middle-class suburban South Africa’ were taught from a young age to be vigilant and aware of our surroundings. Our mental safety check-list is automatic – arm the house, lock the house, lock the gate, get into car, hide handbag under seat, lock doors, keep windows up, stop car, lock car, don’t dawdle in parking lot, disarm office alarm and so on. While we enjoy many first-world trimmings - movies, McDonalds and malls - we live with a third-world sensibility that stretches to our dress sense. I personally don’t want to draw excessive attention to myself for fear of being followed, mugged or something far worse. That means nothing too blingy, revealing or avant-garde. Not that I long to wear Gaga-style getups but I’d like to know that I could venture out in six-inch platforms, knee-highs socks and a vintage frock (read: normal London outfit) if I so pleased without someone sniggering, ‘she’s asking for it.’

It’s not like us South Africans are a hopeless bunch of fashion misfits – we’re just more concerned with getting by in a sensitive society than with this season’s hem length. Although frankly, I think we could do with more sartorial distraction from time to time. As Alex said, sometimes you just need to eat a macaroon and get on with things.

But what do you think? When you're getting dressed in the morning, do our hairy crime stats ever consciously or subconsciously factor into your outfit choices? I’d really appreciate your thoughts and views on this topic.

If you live overseas and are visiting SA for the World Cup, please don’t be freaked out! There are parts of our country which could be mistaken for Wisteria Lane. You just need to have your wits about you when you head out your hotel. Tomorrow I'm going to make some suggestions on what to pack and expect from your South African experience! Speak to you then. x

Jessica Simpson, make-up free on the cover of Marie Claire!

I was just about to hit the hay when I spotted a bare-faced Jessica Simpson on the cover of Marie Claire over on 2oceansvibe. Wowzers. Go Jessica. Go Marie Claire! I'm bagging this mag as soon as I spy it in the shops! This is why I love Marie Claire. They're never afraid to take a risk and push the proverbial envelope. It's one of the few mags that I literally read from cover to cover. The other day, I was chatting to a mate about a certain fash mag and she commented that (like many, I'm sure) she flips through the fashion pages and skips the articles. Those poor journalists! Marie Claire, on the other hand, has always been a seamless blend of fashion and cutting-edge news that you want to read. Grown up and glamorous! I also love how they were the first to spot a gap in reality telly and went on to produce the super slick 'Running in Heels.' I thought Joanna Coles was very brilliant and lovely. Anyway, back to Jessica. I think she looks simply gorgeous! Right, must sleep. Night night. x