Sunday, March 29

Sundaze in Winston Park

Aloha! First things first - thank you so much to everyone who sent me a message of sorts regarding my previous post. I've been letting it all marinate and I'll be plugging in a post later this week to let ya'll know where my head is at now re this sprogging business! You gave me lots of excellent advice to think on, and I'm very grateful for it. {Although last night I had a nightmare dream that I was preggers and I had to have an epidural done about a hundred times...}In the meanwhile though, I just wanted to share a few pics of our hood which is showing off at the moment! Slowly but surely, the leaves are turning a crunchy, golden colour and yet there are still loads of lush, summer blooms in the mix. Oh, and yes, people in this area actually have horses in their backyard. But no, they don't walk down the road with clutch bags in the middle of the day. That was just me wanting to show off a recent sale snag! Also, Tall One looks like he wants to murder me in these pics but I assure you, he was full of the joys. "It's Blue Steel, people can't always look happy in pics." - his words.

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Monday, March 23

To sprog or not to sprog?

What's cracking, what's cracking!!? Tell me your news! Me? I'm knee deep in work but I've been feeling lighter and brighter thanks to the miracle of modern medicine but that's a story for another day....I wanted to check in and tell you what I've been up to otherwise, but honestly, not flippen much! Once we've kitted out the cottage {it's nearly donezos}, I'll have some spare dosh to do stuff again. Right now, it's a case of: buy new furniture on pay day - be broke the rest of the month! 

Anyway, I do have something to ramble about...and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one! I didn't have any fears about turning thirty but I'm developing twinges about turning thirty-three. Why? Well, I've never been sure about having kids but I always imagined, that if I did sprog up, it would be around the age of thirty-four which would mean I'd probably have to get cracking on that around the age of thirty-three.

I will be thirty-three this year. Am I ready to attempt a baba? Uh, I don't think so! Or am I? I have no idea. 

Edit: I realise I'm writing this as if I have the luxury of choice. I know there are many women who want nothing more than to have kiddos but can't. I've been fairly light-hearted below but I completely appreciate that this is an extremely sensitive topic for many people and I think it's horribly unfair that some women can't have children. I know a wonderful woman who would make the most brilliant mum but sadly, she can't have babas and my heart aches for her. 

Maybe I will be able to fall preggers one day - maybe I won't. I'm not sure yet as I've never attempted it. Oh and in case anyone is wondering, this isn't a topic that Tall One and I have discussed much at all because we've both always been on the fence about sprogging in general. That said, I'm totally giving him this blog post to proof read! 

So here's my question to all the mamas and papas out there - did you ever have a moment where you just knew you wanted to have kids, or did it become a gradual want? I feel so.... neutral about it all. Is this good? Is this bad? Is this just a case of not wanting something because I don't know what it's like to have it? 

Now, I know I'm stating the obvious here but children are just so...permanent. Like, there are some days when I think, "Yeah, I could do with some baba cuddles right about now" and then I think, "Mother of mercy, I'd have to parent this thing FOREVER!! There is no way I'm giving up my takeaway coffee for Pampers!!" I know, I know. That sounds utterly snobby, naive and ridiculous.

Some of our friends are already moving onto baby number two and while their kids are adorable and amazing, they - like all children - need constant care and attention. I'm always blown away by how much they need in terms of snugs, food, cleaning, help, nappy changes etc I usually leave our mates thinking, "Dang those kids are cute but I am shattered from that visit and I didn't even do anything except play with a few Legos..." I truly have all the respect in the world for moms and dads - it seriously is a full-time job!

Some people have said to me, "If you're in doubt, don't do it." 
Others have said, "You will regret not having kids."
My besties have said, "Dude, your mom has to be a grandmother. Sprog up, stat."

I do worry about regretting it. I also worry that if I do have a kidlet, I'll end up perpetually broke, tired and resentful. I know that sounds awful but these are legit fears of mine...

So owing to the fact that I feel totally confused, I tend to shelve any thinking regarding this matter to the back of my head! 

If I were to scribble a list of pros and cons, I guess these would be the shamefully honest cons.
  • I don't like to lock myself into long-term commitments. A two-year cellphone deal is enough to freak me out. Kids are the ULTIMATE commitment. The concept of "forever" is too much for my brain to compute...
  • Kids are CRAY expensive. Like, what is going on with the price of Pritt Stick?
  • I often work long, intense hours and that'll always be the nature of advertising.
  • I usually come home feeling utterly knackered. 
  • Therefore, my spare time is sacred to me. If I have more than one weekend plan, I start to panic. 
  • I love being able to sleep in, watch South Park whenever and go on spontaneous weekend missions...
  • If a kid had to draw on our white telly unit, I think I would flippen freak out.
  • What if I landed up as a single parent? I fear I'd collapse from stress and sadness. {To all the single parents out there, you are AMAZING!}

I've recently read a lot of posts by mama bloggers who have shared the challenges of having kids, and while I'm grateful for their honesty, a lot of those posts have actually freaked me out and kinda put me off kidlets....

Grief, I sound like I would be positively awful as a mum.

That said, if a doctor had to tell me today that I couldn't have children, I think I'd be heart broken.

Tall One once said, "People go on to have more than one kid which means it can't be all bad." Lols.

So mamas and papas out there, do you have any advice for me? Having kids sounds tough and stressful but then people also say it's one of life's greatest gifts...am I over-thinking it all?

My mom usually says, "Don't make a decision until you feel at peace in your heart." But I've made almost every life decision feeling rather sick inside! Maybe I'm just a painful decision maker?

I would seriously appreciate your thoughts on this...and please be as honest as you'd like. I realise I may have unintentionally ruffled a few feathers with this post, and I'm sorry if I have :( I am genuinely rather ignorant when it comes to kiddos but I'd love to better understand this aspect of life. x

PS: Tall One read this and said, "What the hell is a sprog?" LOLS. That was his reaction to this entire thing. I grew up reading British comedy books so I tend to use a lot of British slang! See sprog here.

Monday, March 2

10 Things

Whaddup, whaddup. Sorry for the radio silence. I've had a rather shaky start to the year in terms of my health. Been in and out of the doctor's office and just haven't been in the right head space to get my blog on. But I'm feeling a lot brighter and lately, I've been...
  1. Living in my summer uniform: aka the kimono!
  2. Furnishing the cottage. Bit by bit, it's starting to feel more like a home. The cost of it destroys me but its been fun to piece it together. If you follow me on Pinterest, you'll know I've gone moggy with home stuff! Can I be a professional pinner, somehow? 
  3. Watching a lot of Lost! We've gotten to the point where the show spirals into a convoluted mess {dare, I say!} but it's been the best tearing through it with Tall One who doesn't usually watch telly shows. We're about to start Game of Thrones although I'm not sure it's gonna by my cuppa tea. 
  4. Realising that my life now is so tame compared to my twenties where I was always out till 4am, watching gigs, attending weird art shows and throwing back cheap shooters in smoky dive bars. I mean, the points above involved telly and decorating! 
  5. Reading tons and tons about photography and cooking up plans to upgrade my gear. Up until this point, I avoided learning the technical stuff as I was worried it would suck the joy out of my favourite hobby but man alive, I wish I had learnt it all years ago! It would have saved me so much frustration...
  6. Loving our life and hood up the hill. It's crazy to think I just wailed when we got here. I'm so in love with it now, I can't imagine living anywhere else. That said, the long drive to work still does my head in.
  7. Concerned about the effect of social media on today's kids. I'm worried that for many, their self worth is getting tangled up with likes and shares. I only got a smart phone in my twenties but I still catch myself comparing myself to others online which triggers all sorts of bad feels so I've been trying to distance myself from the world's new obsession with followers and likes etc
  8. Looking forward to April when I'll be heading to Solitude with Tall One for an Easter break. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get there is have a bubble bath! I've tried to make peace with just being able to shower at our cottage but truth be told, I miss my bubble time summin' cray.
  9. Having friends over for rugby and braais. Before living together, neither of us were able to entertain a small gang so we're really chuffed that we can have fun Friday nights at home. 
  10. Feeling grateful for my Tall One. The other day, I felt like I was falling behind in life and as we were heading out our driveway,  Jon suddenly said, "Panda, we are rich in life. We live in a nice part of the world and we've got good friends." And that folks, is all you really need - a roof over your head and a few, good buddies.
Hope you have had a good weekend? x

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Wednesday, February 11

Our getaway in the hills

Whaddup whaddup! Jon and I decided to head for the hills last Friday for a bit of R 'n R. We spent most of it under a tree, stoking the fire, snugging the dogs and mapping wine! Jon's been going to this campsite since 1998 - sometimes twice a year - so he's rather familiar with the local er, dogs and shrubbery! We usually go there in the dead of winter so this was the first time I'd seen it so green. They've got piggies and a goat now too.  How shady does that piglet look below?! PS: I know I have worn that hat a million times now. Lols. I need to get another hat stat. They're super handy for mental hair weekends. x

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Sunday, January 18

Sunday Chillin'

Holla! I am scribbling this from the couch while watching Ocean's Eleven for the zillionth time and Jon is cooking us our very first potjie! It smells INSANE. We are determined to make Sundays as fun as possible because I can't bear Sunday night blues. This morning, I rustled up a French style brekkie as I've been dreaming about visiting Paris again. Afterwards, we shopped for the potjie, went on a coffee date and worked out what we still need to get for the cottage. We reckon we'll be sorted by November. Oi! Oh, we also rented some Lost episodes! I was beyond obsessed with the first few seasons of Lost and I desperately wanted to rewatch it but I never expected Jon to go on the Lost journey as he's not really into fictional shows - but he's on the Lost train too! We're halfway through Season One and it's been so much fun cranking through a series together. We went years without a telly and now look at us! Anyway, I must go make my lunch for work tomoz. I am determined to hop on the health train too. Can't become a croissant monster! PS: Those are some of the flowers in our garden below! I just love opening the curtains to 'em x

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